We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
