I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i would punch a child for taco bell
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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