he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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