When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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