Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
