dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
