I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
