btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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