My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
