note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
