google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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