so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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