So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
