It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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