"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
