My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There r osticjed everywhere
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
