I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You are the jesus of drinking
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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