I wish my penis had an off switch
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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