I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
