Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
