I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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