I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
