it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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