It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
