I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
