see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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