I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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