1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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