Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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