i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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