The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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