There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
