These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As shirtless as possible
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
