1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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