I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
