Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
