i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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