he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
