Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
