lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
