just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
