HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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