yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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