Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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