Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
