i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
