how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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