OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
