well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
