Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
