dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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